Words have power. They can encourage, build-up, and energize. They can also demoralize, cut down, and destroy.
Growing up we had family friends that had nine (9) children. We’d often go play over at their house on evenings and weekends. Their setup was awesome… end of a street at the cul-de-sac. 5 acres of land that was mostly field. They had a club house, swings, volleyball court, and sandbox. Each Christmas they’d get a combined big gift and over time they added on to the above with a trampoline and an above ground pool. They even had a berm we could play “King of the hill” on…
What more could a 5-10 year old ask for??
They are part of some of my core memories as far back as I can remember. Some of my earliest memories are with their family.
Outside of the random memories of good times, I can remember two very distinct lasting impressions from how they lived life:
- To leave the dinner table, your plate must be clear of any food, and you must ask to be dismissed.
- The parents would regularly emphasize “Your words have power“. Especially their Mom.
Food is very precious when there are 11+ mouths to feed.
Words are also very present when you have that many children running around… not to mention my family added into the mix.
As an aside… I feel like I could write a whole other post on the importance of prioritizing and having regular meals with your family & friends around a dinner table… that’ll have to wait for another today.
Words having power is all over the Bible
Growing up that statement about Words became more apparent to me as I spent more time studying the Bible and seeing it mentioned all over the place… here’s a few examples:
45 The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.
^ Luke 6:45 ESV
4 Look at the ships also: though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. 5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.
How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!
^ James 3:4-5 ESV
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.
^ Proverbs 18:21 ESV
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
^ Ephesians 4:29 ESV
I tell you, on the day of judgement people will give account for every careless word they speak…
^ Matthew 12:36 ESV
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
^ Proverbs 16:24 ESV
A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
^ Proverbs 15:1 ESV
In a nutshell:
- Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks…
- The tongue steers you like a rudder of a large ship
- Death and life are in the power of the tongue…
- We’ll give account to every careless word
- Build up… sweetness to the soul… soft answers.
Where my mind starts to run is… what am I filling my heart with so that I can have abundance flowing out of my mouth?
Do I realize the power of the tongue (life & death, rudder…)?
Am I ready to give account?
Am I building up others and leaning toward soft answers?
I’m very much a “Words of Affirmation” person. If I’m close with you or look up to you or cherish your perspective, your words are very powerful to me. A snarky joke from an acquaintance I quickly move past, but a lighthearted critique from a close friend will linger.
Be Bold.
In college, I was working for a manufacturing company as their “IT & Inventory Manager” (I made up that title…). They had an old server in the closet that went out and I was tasked with getting a new one and spinning it up for their shared file storage.
I go and research two different Dell options, one I spec’d out came in around $2000 and another closer to the $4500 range.
At the time, I had never dealt with that kind of purchase for a company.
I was an hourly part-time employee for this ~20-person company and was being asked to spend big dollars.
The owner, the lead engineer, and I sat down in the conference room.
He asks me to go over the options. I detail each one out. “This one has this type of storage… memory… etc“… “This other one has...”
Owner: “OK, which should we get?“
Nervously I respond by going back through both options…
Owner: (recognizing my discomfort) goes “Let’s go with the $4500 one“.
Fast forward to later that day, 1-on-1 with the owner. He pulls me aside and says “Matt, thank you for doing that research. I don’t pay you to let me make all the decisions, I pay you to be bold & make decision.”
Talk about a clear word of affirmation out of left field. Here I am nearly 20 years later, and it still resonates with me.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Be You.
While living in the Seattle area and working for Microsoft, I was in an engineering team. I forget what was going on in this specific situation, but I was talking with my manager about my performance and comparing it to that of one of my peers. I was also seeking his coaching on being a manager and trying to get him to give me so tips and guidance. He told me two things: “Don’t compare yourself to others” and “Don’t copy me, be you.”
In that moment, I can recall being frustrated. Not on the compare to others aspect but on the “Don’t copy me note“. Felt like he just pushed me aside. Looking back 10+ years later though, he was being sincere and clear with two principles to live by.
Recognize who you are.
Fast forward yet again to a couple years ago in my current position. We were working through various processes, tasks, meeting rhythms, etc. and I was all in my head about how to be a more effective leader. Trying to replicate some approaches by my peers or apply some book or scholarly examples. I sit down with my boss one day and am talking to him about it and he goes “Just be you.” Later on in discussions, he emphasized “You have to recognize who you are“. His emphasis there was talking about being a Child of God.
In those moments, my internal reaction was “that isn’t good enough, I clearly don’t need to be me because I’m struggling with A/B/C thing… If I’m just me and not copying others or implementing what others have already figured out, then I’m not good enough or won’t get to where I want to be…“
Be bold, be accountable, be patient.
It’s an ongoing process and I know it’ll take time (#RestOfMyLife…) but I’m coming around to a more confident stance of being “me”. There’s a lot of truth in the statement “Be you, everyone else is already taken”. I’m recognizing there is power in me being me and it’s OK if people like that or if they don’t.
It’s still a work in process, but some of my other posts (like Time, our finite resource. How do you manage it?) have helped center me on priorities and where to be focusing. Being more comfortable with who I am, what I should be focusing on, and being OK if others don’t like it or aren’t doing it the same way.
What currently has helped me a lot is working to remain in a mindset of thankfulness and combining that with ongoing prayer to help guide me day in and day out.
At work, on my computer monitor, I have put a simple sticky note that says “Be bold, be accountable, be patient”. It’s a simple daily reminder to try and be those things but also to remember some of the encouraging words spoken to me historically from various people who chose their words wisely… whether they realize it or not.
Leave a Reply