In the first post a couple weeks ago (link), I unpacked the idea of being busy — and how not all “busy” is created equal. There’s the draining kind, where our time feels scattered and reactive, and then there’s the good kind of busy: when our days are full but meaningful, energizing, and aligned with what matters most. Part 1 was about recognizing that distinction and giving ourselves permission to step away from the noise in order to protect what fuels us.

We left it with thinking through which state we may be in. That’s the trick. Depending on that state how do I best regulate if needed?

For simplicity’s sake – I proposed there are Four general states.

1. Bad – “Just living life, it sucks but I’ve convinced myself ’tis life’“
2. Too Far – “I’m the best checklist, project planner, detailed person ever! 🎶All I do is plan, plan, plan 🎶”
3. In Between – “Feeling good mostly but can sense I’m starting to stress some“
4. Good – “Driven, Purposeful, Full – I’ve spent some time organizing some things and have it together at the moment. 🎶 Jesus has taken the wheel 🎶”

Before jumping in further, in hindsight, I feel I’ve spent most my working life mostly in the “In Between”, many times “Too Far”, and a good portion of time in the “Bad” phases. I honestly wouldn’t say I’ve lived in “Good” too long but really have seen it over the past couple of years in a cool way.

Let’s get… tactical.. tactical

The “Bad“

What does it look like?

You can see or hear this one pretty clearly in my opinion. When someone is in the bad busy you get short answers from them, they sometimes look physically worn out or stressed. If you know them well enough you know they’re not who they typically are in that moment or season. I’ve sometimes genuinely worried about the people I see in this state. They may have something personal going on while work is loading up. They may give off the impression that they don’t think they can handle it all or that “life sucks” or they’re about to bounce from their job as an attempt to solve the situation.

I’ve mentioned these before, but I have two general quotes I love for worry, stress, and anxiety:

1. “My life is full of terrible things, most of which never came to pass” – various (link)
2. “Half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision.” – Dean Hakes

I write quite a bit about this in What’s the worst thing that could happen?

What to do if that’s someone you know?

• Pull them aside 1v1 and, in a caring way, tell them you recognize something is off with them.
• Ask them how you can best support or take something of their plate.
• Take them to lunch, dinner, drinks and just spend time.
• If you’re a manager, encourage them to take some time – head out early or whatever might help them.

What to do if that’s you?

• First, simply recognizing it is powerful in and of itself.
• Second, know that it can be worked through… I’ve done it many times.
• I’m a fan of writing it out – could be a bullet point list, could mean you turn on verbose mode and let it flow. Doesn’t have to take hours… could literally be finding 10 minutes and just getting basics out of your head.
• Once you have a better understanding of a few things bugging you, start to address them & be OK that it’ll take time.
  • Say you need time working on your calendar – find the time to do that.
  • Say you need to get clarity on something from someone, text/Slack/Email them that you need 5 minutes soon to clear up something.
  • Say you’ve taken on too much (assumed) responsibility and there are things you can let go of for right now – spend time with your manager or family members laying out all the things you’re carrying & then work through it with them to see if you’re over prioritizing any given areas that are actually less important & can wait.
• Once you’re making progress – start thinking through how to prevent and/or limit it going forward. If you’re interested, I have many posts written on this topic given I walk through it regularly and constantly experimenting. Here’s a few past posts: (Manage Your Time or Someone Else Will – Part 1 | Part 2, Quarterly Planning – Part 1 | Part 2, Rhythms for Family Life)

The “Too Far”

What does it look like?

Truthfully, this one is probably the newest in my brain to reconcile. I know I said before that “The Good” is only last couple years. “Too Far” for me is only the last year or so with the help from friends & colleagues who have lovingly helped me see this more in myself. It’s come to light in my mind in the form of “Matt… you should expect them to do that themselves” or “Matt… you don’t have to do it all” or “Matt… I’m going to do this next time instead of you“.

Trying to explain in a different way – I love to help people. In doing that, I can sometimes be a crutch for people by taking on too much. Or I try to do things for people (Acts of Service love language) but the ultimate outcome isn’t ideal for various reasons. I hit this mostly at work when I push to drive things forward, have strong relationships, and then a year later what I thought was good… was actually churn and not a good, realized outcome.

The other way I run into this is when I spend way too much time planning. For example, am I planning out every 15-minute block on my calendar and not leaving time for others?

I read a daily devotional by Alistair Begg and the other day it spoke about “Striving after the wind” referencing Ecclesiastes 2:22 – “What has a man from all the toil and striving of heart with which he toils beneath the sun?” and goes on to say:

Work comes from God, so it must be good-but only when pursued rightly. But Solomon warns that when work is the totality of your life, all of your “days are full of sorrow,” and “even in the night” your “heart does not rest” (Ecclesiastes 2:23). Workaholics awaken in the night and turn over in their bed They far too often need pills to get themselves to sleep, pills to wake themselves up, pills to get themselves through the day.”

Pills being analogized as whatever you have to lean on to get through the day (pills, alcohol, food, mindless scrolling.)

Two concepts come to mind for me here too:

1. In operations, when queues fill, the lead time for products approaches infinity. Meaning, IF you have no margin or time available then the work could just infinitely back up.
2. A mentor of mine early in my career said “when a team member stops by your desk, they’re the most important thing in that moment”.

The trap with “too far” is it’s really hard to see until it turns into “Bad” – Not In between or Good – it enters a time warp and goes completely around into Bad or lights on fire because it’s leaking fuel while driving down the road.

What to do if that’s someone you know?

• “Faithful are the wounds from a friend” – Proverbs 27:6. Meaning, to me, friends help friends. They’re faithful in giving them thoughtful perspective & feedback even if it stings for a minute. They’re not out against you, they’re for you.
• Come alongside them, in a loving way, and tell them. Help them to see they may have turned the dial past 10 and to 11 (link).
• Tell them “I think you should expect <person> to carry their own weight on this thing“
• Or “Over the past couple of weeks it seems like you have no margin, anything I can be helping with?“
• Or for the direct plain spoken crew 🙂 “You’re over doing it and need to chill”

What to do if that’s you?

• If you’re regularly struggling to go to sleep or you wake up really early unrested with a topic on your mind – evaluate that. Is it good or is it bad? I don’t know if there is a default answer, I’ve had both good & bad seasons of this specific issue.
• If you don’t have people around you that can help you see it, work on that. Relationships (Colleagues, Friends, Spouses) take Time + Intentionality and tend to be a reflection of the effort you put into them. If you don’t have them… work on being more intentional and available for others.
• Evaluate the areas you’re working on and see where you can better partner with those around you. Be intentional on finding time with some key people and talking to them about how they may be able to better work with you to establish things.
• Don’t book every single minute of every single day of every single week. Find time to go to lunch, walk through the office, schedule a couple 1v1s with people, linger longer in the morning at home with your family… sometimes life happens when we least expect (“plan) for it.

The “In Between“

What does it look like?

Randomly… my brother got me into Dave Matthews a long time ago and the song “The Space Between” just came to mind writing this (link). Looking up the lyrics, it’s about the space between two people in a relationship and that it takes intentionality to fill the space between their two hearts.

In a weird transitional… dad joke kind of way… that is kind of (a stretch… I know) what the In Between state of busy is like.

It’s a constant, ongoing area of busy. You will be in that state a lot bouncing from Good to Bad or Bad increasing to Good.

On one hand…

A lot of goodness is going on. You feel as though you have everything (or most things) together. Your home front is good; you have some plans with family or friends on the horizon. At work you have projects ongoing, hitting deadlines or have mitigations in place. Maybe some of your team members are hustling and making good impact too. You end most (but not every) day feeling like you were able to accomplish something today.

However. On the other hand…

• Two weeks ago, you were humming at a better pace…
• Last week it was a little off but mostly ok…
• As this week progresses you start to feel some issues creep up, a new project just landed, or a new situation arose, and you start to realize a little bit of concern. Maybe you woke up early thinking about it or found your mind running in the evening.
• Something spins up with a family member and it’s another thing added to the pile you feel growing.
• As you head into the upcoming week you feel it growing more and more daunting.

Again, it’s not “bad” but you have enough awareness of this cycle that you see the “In between” (dun, dun, dun) either in flight or coming on the horizon.

The key here is to recognize that you are running & that it’s using up some of your fuel. It’s a constant recognition to refill the tank before it turns Bad and you’re on Empty.

What to do if that’s someone you know?

• Simply ask them what they’re going to do about the thing or the pressure they’re feeling. Sometimes just talking it out helps refill the tank to have a sounding board.
• Know that other people can often speak to simple solutions, help rationalize items, help get things out of your head and into reality.
• Keep a pulse on them in the coming days and weeks. Learn from them on how they either refilled or went to empty.

What to do if that’s you?

• This is where my Friday Planning sessions (30min-1hr every Friday morning) come into play. Trying to answer the “when am I going to have time to spend on <insert thing>?”.
• Find time to process it. Find 15 minutes to try and recognize any obvious areas to work on before it gets out of hand.
• Block 30 minutes to put some actions together in your Friday planning session to turn it from Reactive to Proactive.
• One evening to talk through it with the right person for a 2nd opinion on things.
• Maybe it means you need to push on a given project to get it done sooner so that it doesn’t overlap with a new thing you’re starting.
• Go get ice cream – that always helps 🙂

The “Good“

What does it look like?

As I mentioned earlier, I don’t feel I’ve recognized or lived in “Good” for too long. Maybe a year or more I’ve run through this phase a few times. May even have had past seasons or glimpses of it but just next recognized it in the moment or seen the potential fullness in it.

Not being dramatic in that realization, just saying for me it almost feels “new”. Or maybe an expanded new definition of busy and me just now being able to put language to it.

Speaking for myself, I genuinely believe that the Lord has helped me recognize areas where I needed to take ‘steps of faith’ to be further in alignment with his callings on my life. This blog for example. In doing that, He’s helped me to see where this golden thread of His Will has placed me into various situations where I have been able to both recognize and see His power and presence.

I get that to some people that’s going to sound weird, odd, out there. I get it and I was there too in the past. I also would hope, if you know me, I do try to be rational and honest with everyone. In this blog, I try to just be “me” and be transparent. I digress.

That all said – Good, for me, is the alignment to calling. The purposefulness. The intentionality. A state of both peace & growing capacity. All coming together in a boldness of direction (not arrogance or pride).

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7

Matt… are you saying that only those who trust & lean into Christ can have the “Good” kind of busy?

I honestly don’t know.

All I’m trying to say is that I personally didn’t recognize it without Him helping me to see it and I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without leaning into Him more and more and seeing that desire grow.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

What to do if that’s someone you know?

• Find people are you want to be around who are like that too.
• What’s the quote “You’re the average of the five people you’re closest with” – I’ve heard a variation recently that was “You’re the average of the five people you consume the most” or the “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future”
• This is where I want to be… so if I find others in it – I’m leaning in, aiming to learn more, pushing those I’m close with in this direction. Simply – spend more time with them.

What to do if that’s you?

Being so new to me, I’ll just tell you what I’m currently trying & practicing.

• Trying to “seek first the Kingdom of God” – each morning I try to wake up, get coffee going, and then do a devotional.
• Trying to increase my average number of days in a year where my phone stays on the charger in another room (usually living room… actually trying a garage charger right now)
• Read a spiritually growth book (working on a few with a few different groups of Men).
• I try to pray regularly. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes on drives to work, sometimes randomly throughout the day.
• I try to regularly plan my days – not just at work but with my spouse, my kids, and friends. Plan doesn’t just mean with activities but also with intentional “time” in the gaps and not overwhelming my evenings or weekends with things.
• Have casual lunches with people.
• I try to intentionally reach out to people (family, friends, colleagues) and be genuine and real with them. If someone comes to my mind – even someone from years ago – I try to reach out and say “Hey!”. Nothing big, just ongoing engagement & intentionality. Side note – I’ve really started to enjoy “Voice Memos” – I’m probably dated… but I’ll regularly send voice memos to people to have asynchronous conversations. To me it’s richer than text but not as cumbersome as phone tag. Sometimes 1min memo… sometimes 5min+ updates.
• I have a couple standing weekly meetings with friends & mentors where we push each other, we talk about life & work and tie in the spiritual layer of things and how it weaves through our lives.
• I try to recognize that I’m wrong more than I’m right, that I’m a recovering insecure person. I try to be humble and open in my approach.

As you can see, I don’t have the formula for “Good” other than trying & constantly tweaking and iterating on approach.

To wrap it up

I’m convinced that there is a good full, rich type of busy. That busy doesn’t have to only have a negative implication.

It takes work. It takes intentionality. It takes time to pursue your purpose & calling.

-Matt