I don’t know about you all, but for some reason I’ve been picking up on a lot of fear here lately from people. People uncertain about situations, politics spinning people up, a lot of Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt (“FUD”).
For whatever reason, I don’t have that same concern at the moment.
Maybe, for me, it’s Philippians 4:7 (ESV) being realized in this season.
7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Maybe I should have some sort of FUD going on… I honestly do not right now though.
In thinking about that more, I’ve reflected on some seasons in my life where I have been stuck mentally. Where I’ve felt mental paralysis. Where I even had shortness of breath.
Has any of that ever happened to you? Is it happening to you right now?
10 years ago now…
I was fortunate to take an 8-week Dale Carnegie leadership and public speaking course. It pushed me out of my comfort zone, gave me principles and models to apply to various situations – public speaking, casual discourse, stress management, etc.
One of the most impactful lessons was around navigating stress, anxiety, and mental paralysis (not sure if that’s the right term… but sounded fancy…).
You know… times when you are worried about a situation and just can’t seem to work through it or you tend to keep circling over and over the same thoughts or concerns in your head.
The practice we walked through was (in my terms) “what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
The worst thing that could happen
I’d bet that most all of us have seen various Hollywood films at this point.
The worst thing that could happen often dramatically leans toward:
- I have to diffuse this bomb but I’m colorblind and there are two wires.
- If I don’t jump out of this plane without a parachute and latch on to that blimp… the girl dies, the bad guy gets away, and my career as a clown turned spy is over.
- But… the sharks have laser beams!
But in real life often the worst things that could happen lean more realistically toward:
- Me and my friend are at odds for a bit.
- The presentation didn’t go as planned and the deal is now at risk.
- I don’t get the promotion right now because of some other unknown, assumed political, reasons.
- I lose my job because of broader organizational or political movements.
- … and the list goes on
Lingering Quotes
I’m a “Words of affirmation” guy, so various quotes and words of encouragement (or criticism) have the tendency to linger with me… for years in some cases.
In the class, there were two quotes that stood out to me and have lingered with me since from Dale Carnegie’s book “How to stop worrying and start living” (link)
- “My life is full of terrible things, most of which never came to pass” – various (link)
- “Half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision.” – Dean Hakes
Go back and read those again.
Think about that.
“My life is full of terrible things, most of which never came to pass”
How many times has this happened to you?
You get all spun up, worried, think something is going to go some terrible way… then reality happens, and you end up with “Well that went better than I thought” or “Boy was I wrong?”
Or what about the other one?
“Half the worry in the world…“
OK – First, for the data minded people out there… I have no idea if “half” is statistically proven here. It’s the sentiment that matters, not the accuracy necessarily.
Second – Do you ever find yourself running through mental “What ifs” to the point where you get worked up… only to then have someone (maybe yourself) realize that you’re missing basic information?
To me, this quote reminds me often to circle back to “What information do I think is relevant or needed here?”. Sometimes that takes a minute to get back to, but that type of questioning helps get out of the loop of what ifs and into data gathering mode.
Working back from “the worst thing”
What those quotes cemented in my mind was, basically, “it’s almost always not as bad as you think”.
The class has us think through & put effort into accepting “the worst <logical> thing that could happen” and then work back from it.
For example – let’s say that you are genuinely worried about your job. For whatever reason, you think it’s in jeopardy. May be a conflict you had with your boss, could be a lack luster performance review, could be back to office mandates, could be that you just don’t like it right now… whatever it is.
Instead of fretting of whether or not you will lose your job – ask yourself the next logical question -> “What would I need to do if that did happen?” or similarly “What would I need to do if I wanted to make a change?”
- I’d need to update my resume
- I’d need to start looking around for Jobs / reaching out to friends
- I’d need to make rent, car payments, eat
- …
Then for each of those concerns, are there things you can do “today” that help mitigate the risks?
- Updating resume
- Not too difficult, maybe need to do that annually just as an ongoing practice… may take an hour or two and then I’d want someone to look it over that’s maybe recent switched positions or is in recruiting or a hiring position.
- A New Job
- I could look around at some existing job opportunities and see what may be of interest to me. Maybe I want a remote position, or I really enjoy hybrid type set ups. Could I start looking for various companies I align with and start following them on social?
- But how can I pay my bills?!?!
- How much is needed to get by for 1 month bare bones? What about 2?
- Do you make a little extra today that you could put away for a few months to create or increase a savings account? Creating an emergency fund / buffer.
- Could you cut back on extra coffee, eating out, etc. for a bit to try and build up a more aggressive cash reserve for a minute?
- Say that, worst case, you did lose your position. Could you go find another part time gig really quick to get you by until you land that new position?
What this exercise has continued to show me over the years is that moving on from worst case is often just a tactical exercise:
- Solidify a semi-logical worst case potential scenario
- Write out a few of my top-of-mind concerns
- Work each of those concerns with some ideas to mitigate them
- Decide whether or not to actually take actions based on those concerns
What I ultimately realized was
To exit the mental paralysis, stress, anxiety… I learned that it wasn’t that I actually had to solve the worst-case scenario, it was more that I needed to break it down and think through the potential impact and what I may need to do if the likelihood of my worst case came to fruition.
Then “if” the situation occurred, I already had thought through it, come up with plans or mitigations, and would move past it.
Funny enough… most all the plans I’ve ever had to made as part of this type of exercise haven’t had to be enacted.
Do you have any pro-tips you use to navigate FUD or similar “worst-case scenario” type situations?
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