Lesson Learned #6 – Assume Positive Intent

Have you ever received a message that left you kind of confused and weren’t sure what the person meant by it?

• “Ok…”
• “Thanks.”
• “I guess.”

You could assume they mean something by the “…” or that they said “Thanks” in a snarky manner or that “I guess” is implying they’re currently indecisive.

I know that when my wife, Rachel, says “that’s fine” I go into inquisitive mode… “what do you actually mean?” and she’ll often come back with “It’s really ok, didn’t mean anything by it, I was just in the middle of helping the kids with something.”

 “That’s fine” does not work well for people pleasers… just saying.

In 2014, I took a Dale Carnegie course about public speaking, building relationships, and navigating social situations. From that 8-week course there was a specific quote and concept that stood out more than all the other lessons:

Michel de Montaigne – “My life has been filled with terrible things, most of which never came to pass”

That quote, to me at least, highlighted that our imaginations can create all sorts of confusion and misdirection from reality. At least in Michel’s case, he’s admitting that they’ve had a terrible life in their imagination and is also calling out the fact that most of his misfortunes never came to reality.

Then, within the last couple of years, Philippians 4:8 really has been hitting me hard with similar sentiment:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

When it comes to teams, meetings, customers – you will run into all sorts of situations that could be misinterpreted and we, as humans, often tend to overthink and spiral into the negative side of things.

You will waste a lot of emotion, time, and energy if you don’t start now practicing & assuming positive intent.

Here are some things to consider:

1. If something could have multiple interpretations. Recognize that as fast as you can.
2. If there is a possible positive intent, assume the positive until you clarify otherwise.
3. You must clarify the actual intent. Doesn’t have to be immediately, but if something is lingering with you and you find yourself thinking about it more than you probably should – be quick to be curious and ask some follow-up questions “What do you mean?” or “Hey, I found myself interpreting this in various ways – can you explain what you meant?”